Challenge

Nothing even seems to matter anymore...

No point in having a personality
No point in having something interesting to say
No point in sharing your feelings

My feelings, and yours too...

Could I be perfectly honest?
You don't gaze like you once did-
So intently,
Like the first time you fell for me...

I don't understand why I feel this way if I am so wrong
And what if he says really isn't true?
How am I to really know?
I truly worry that you deceive me
Am I pushing myself away?
When will you become a man?
When will you make me happy again?

It feels so fake
I feel like I'm being pushed in every direction
So how the hell can I move forward?

I don't want to be in these relationships anymore

Joshua, you hurt me
Emily, you hurt me

IT'S THE TRUTH
And however the fuck you guys really feel about me,
I must leave for me







But when can I decide?
How will I ever know when to let something go, and when not to?
When will I know for sure?
I don't know what to do.

Post Secret

Describing Our Times

The problem with every person alive was that although one could greatly satisfy its' ego, one could not satisfy its' Self.

5-26-2008

Still Letting Go

Learning to let go,
You'll never know
What it feels like to show
All you really hide
Fuck it hurts inside
Never could have known
'til I was fully grown
And I'm not even there yet
Though I swear: I just forget
I'm living and breathing
My days, my seconds have meaning
Music always sets a mood- it's a flow
Shrinking these doubts 'til there's nowhere for them to go
Release as I breathe,
I'm still full of steam
I'll reach into the other side
But I must meet my spirit guide.
PLEASE, GOD, PLEASE

5-25-2008

My artwork of my Head

New Perspectives

Things change so fast. I thought I was close to giving up on one of the best friendships of my whole life, but now I see that there is no concern really. She gets on my nerves so much, doesn't listen well, and everything else... but what was blocking us had nothing to do with our true desires. She wouldn't let me be there for her, so what could I do?

All I could do at the time was sit back and hope she'll come around, and see where I'm coming from. She pushed me away so much without meaning to or realizing it. It hurt me last night when she told me that I couldn't relate to her anymore, that I used to be able to and now I could not, but I knew she didn't mean it. And she knew it too, so everything turned out well. It's like she had to tell me lies right then so that she could feel the comfort of me telling her, "No, Emily, I love you, don't you see?" Not those exact words, but the same effect.

Sometimes we deny things or just lie to ourselves really, to protect ourselves. Or in hopes of a contradiction. We pretend there's no hope so that we can be proven wrong.

All these things I have written here are so jumbled up and the flow is all in my head, so there are many blanks here, and all you could get out of reading this are my tidbits of wisdom.

That's all that's important to me.

How I Really Feel Sometimes

When did
You
Listen to me?

When did
You
Hear what I say?

I never saw
I never heard
I never felt
You with me.

I shouldn't have to ask
I shouldn't have to fight
For your attention

That's right,
Don't even try
Don't worry about me
Worry about yourself
So you can be the only one
Getting ahead in this shallow world

I don't need you
I won't want you
Unless you're really here

You don't know how I feel
And I never give up
Trying to let you know.
But I do let things go.
You never see.
You never try to.

Your excuses- worthless
Your reasons- selfish
Your defense?- "I can't help it"

Well,
I can't help it either.

You hear, not listen
You tend, not care
You give in, not sacrifice

Maybe I don't want
You
In my life.