this site pretty much sucks, honestly.

i haven't written in here lately. not much of a reason to. but it's been almost a year, so it was pretty much time to return i thought!

Shit has changed pretty incredibly lately, as fuckin usual. I love that i learn at such this pace. I speak so differently when I use a keyboard. I can get thoughts out much more easily than most people, and I feel in tune with shit a lot.

anyways, tonight's been pretty good. but to the next thought-

Plans have changed. Total turn-around. I want to be strong for good. It seemed hard to be strong. But lately, when I feel really sick in my heart, I remind myself that I don't want to be sad- I must heal my sickness with a sense of peace and knowing all is well.

I speak with such drama, but remember- it's all a scene in the movie of my life. I hope with all my heart, if I can have anything, it is to be able to watch the whole thing after I "die."

See ya next time, if ever?

Love alison.

I'm going to send it to the paper!

I understand the validity of not wanting to see other peoples’ private parts, but I think it is sexist and outdated that a woman cannot be topless in public, while males can. On a hot summer day, I should be allowed to ride my bike in tennis shoes and a pair of shorts. The idea is really not that appalling. The only differences between female and male breasts are milk ducts. What is so offensive about female breasts being visible? I sincerely believe that society has progressed into a state in which we no longer need to hold on to that silly taboo! Today’s uprising generations have learned the human body is a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be shunned from society. I really think that once we finally accept this as a whole, sexuality will not be cheapened the way it has been for quite some time now. We need to completely embrace who we are, and not feel like we need to hide ourselves. Please, let’s take the first step and guarantee equal rights to women and men in indecent exposure laws!

Untitled poem.

I wrote this in 2005, and although my feelings for that kid don't apply anymore, I really feel deeply about the context of the whole thing, especially the parts I bolded. That's why they are bolded of course. :]

And these gaps you've left me with...
I've been filling them little by little everyday.
Pretty soon, the deprivation that plagues me
Will exist no more
And I'll be able to look at pictures of you
And think of the memories,
Not once thinking of why we stopped making them.
Someday,
I'll be more than just well, like I am now.
I'll be more amazing than I ever thought I could be,
And more beautiful
Than you ever knew me to be.
Maybe you'll never miss me,
But that's okay, because
I'm not doing this to get you back.
I'm doing this for me.


---


My writing will get me everywhere, and I don't need anyone to help me! This is something I have accomplished all on my own. It's something that NO ONE can ever take from me, for my inner thoughts ARE poetry. You can't take that. You could take my money or my computer or my whole house, but my poetry is mine to keep forever.

A Sliver of Hope

I reached into the right-side pocket of my jeans that I had worn the night before, to remove its contents before I put the still-clean pants away. I already knew what was in there- a piece of paper (on which I had listed, "acidophilus") and some lucky pennies. Lucky pennies are ones that I find on the ground and stick in my pocket, whether heads-up or tails-up. Simply finding a coin makes it lucky for you!!
I remembered finding three of them altogether last night- I was walking around a nearby neighborhood. I always scan the ground for coins when I am walking outside, because they add up surprisingly quickly. I saw a familiar shiny, copper-colored disk on the road below me, gleaming. I stooped down to pick it up, and found two others within a couple inches of the first.
More than one coin is lucky, and if you even find another, the luck continues to be multiplied!!
Three is very lucky, thus.

As I pulled the scrap of paper and coins out of my pocket, I discovered something. There was an extra penny in my hand...
I didn't take enough time to act as I think, so I tossed them into the change jar and then realized I should have looked at the pennies to see what new year was added to the mix. Oh well.

Basically, I mysteriously had four lucky pennies in my pocket.
When I had found the three on the ground last night, I took it as an encouraging sign that maybe my supposed affliction is not real, and that I do not need to worry.

I can only hope.
And finding that extra lucky penny today, gives me even more hope.
Or it could mean what I daydreamed about as I walked around my room, entertaining the idea that maybe it was what I always wanted.
But I didn't really want it...

Changes!

So many doors are opening up, because I've opened them...
My dreams have been prophetic, and I'm overcoming so many fears! I am feeling comfortable again, revealing the true me to people. It isn't so hard. And I'm finding myself more interested in what's going on. Issues are being passed off instead of being used as excuses. I am facing myself. I am not afraid!!!
I am excited to move out! I am ready to be me!!

Get All Your Writing Together!!

If you have poems or ramblings or anything of the sort, get it all together in a binder! Or many binders! I have a different binder for every kind of writing and compilation I have.
It is very rewarding to have it all together in one place, all neatly typed out and in sheet protectors. Keep them growing!!!
If you write, don't stop.
If you don't write, start!!

It is a great way to reveal your inner you to the world!!!
Including yourself.

I'm Only Trying to Be Completely Honest

Those seeds you planted must be uprooted, but whose responsibility is it?
If you don't want to change it,
Why should I care?

You really can't blame me.
You really started it.