Untitled poem.

I wrote this in 2005, and although my feelings for that kid don't apply anymore, I really feel deeply about the context of the whole thing, especially the parts I bolded. That's why they are bolded of course. :]

And these gaps you've left me with...
I've been filling them little by little everyday.
Pretty soon, the deprivation that plagues me
Will exist no more
And I'll be able to look at pictures of you
And think of the memories,
Not once thinking of why we stopped making them.
Someday,
I'll be more than just well, like I am now.
I'll be more amazing than I ever thought I could be,
And more beautiful
Than you ever knew me to be.
Maybe you'll never miss me,
But that's okay, because
I'm not doing this to get you back.
I'm doing this for me.


---


My writing will get me everywhere, and I don't need anyone to help me! This is something I have accomplished all on my own. It's something that NO ONE can ever take from me, for my inner thoughts ARE poetry. You can't take that. You could take my money or my computer or my whole house, but my poetry is mine to keep forever.

A Sliver of Hope

I reached into the right-side pocket of my jeans that I had worn the night before, to remove its contents before I put the still-clean pants away. I already knew what was in there- a piece of paper (on which I had listed, "acidophilus") and some lucky pennies. Lucky pennies are ones that I find on the ground and stick in my pocket, whether heads-up or tails-up. Simply finding a coin makes it lucky for you!!
I remembered finding three of them altogether last night- I was walking around a nearby neighborhood. I always scan the ground for coins when I am walking outside, because they add up surprisingly quickly. I saw a familiar shiny, copper-colored disk on the road below me, gleaming. I stooped down to pick it up, and found two others within a couple inches of the first.
More than one coin is lucky, and if you even find another, the luck continues to be multiplied!!
Three is very lucky, thus.

As I pulled the scrap of paper and coins out of my pocket, I discovered something. There was an extra penny in my hand...
I didn't take enough time to act as I think, so I tossed them into the change jar and then realized I should have looked at the pennies to see what new year was added to the mix. Oh well.

Basically, I mysteriously had four lucky pennies in my pocket.
When I had found the three on the ground last night, I took it as an encouraging sign that maybe my supposed affliction is not real, and that I do not need to worry.

I can only hope.
And finding that extra lucky penny today, gives me even more hope.
Or it could mean what I daydreamed about as I walked around my room, entertaining the idea that maybe it was what I always wanted.
But I didn't really want it...